Ask Adam League

Imperfect Thought:
Santa and Milks…

Now that I’m older and know the REAL meaning of Christmas (running over people with shopping carts and being a dick to everyone because they might just grab the thing you waited too long to get) I am able to observe some amazing things about Christmas and particularly Santa Claus.

When I was a kid I thought, as most kids do, that Santa was a valid part of the holidays. I do in fact still find Santa to be an important icon which doesn’t really have to be for any denomination in particular. When I lived in Japan, Santa was a staple out in town. I still own a “stocking” which we bought in a Japanese store during the holidays with adorable caricatures of Santa adorining the little bootie. These were individuals who were Shinto/Buddhist and really didn’t care who Jesus or Saint Nicolaus were. When I was a kid though, he seemed to be the largest part of the holidays because I was told about him by people with money.

After all the years I’ve lived seeing Christmas adapt and change I still have one observation which is my favorite of them all. And that is Santa cares more for the rich boys and girls.

Santa is going to give better and more enjoyable presents, in general, to richer families. I love that. Santa knows where it is at. Santa knows that these childrens parents live stressful lives of having to maintain ridiculous funds. Money doesn’t grow on trees. Money does grow with hard work from the Stock Market and management of people. Santa respects and knows this. Santa understands that the rich are too busy making money, not friends, and require this holiday as a vacation for their lives.
I didn’t have Santa particularly interested in my household growing up, and I have to say it was our bad. Santa doesn’t waste his time with families who don’t understand what it’s all about. Santa knows those people need to keep each other close because all they have is each other. Santa doesn’t want to ruin a good thing. He is checkin his list, sure, but only so far as that list is in the good neighborhoods.

Now Santa doesn’t do this for simply the love of children with wealthier parents. That’s ridiculous. Santa knows that it is these parents who buy the best cookies. The best treats.

Santa loves goats milk.

Will little Jimmy’s parents in the projects give him goats milk? I don’t think so. Santa knows the most important thing is looking out for you and yours and goats milk. Do you know how hard it is to find a decent milk giving goat in the North Pole? Not simple at all. And Reindeer milk is tastes like moss.

So this holiday season, we can either live like the wealthy and pretend Santa cares about us and goats milk treats, and that he’s partial to Pepperidge Farm cookies (all individually wrapped).  Or we can live in our means as the poor folk we are and enjoy the company of those close to us. Santa knows where it is at, he’s lived long enough to figure it all out. Let’s learn a thing or two and love being broke. -Adam

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9 Responses to Santa and Milks…

  1. Don The Producer 2010.12.19 11:40 pm

    Honestly, I’m mystified. Are you saying that Santa visits rich people more because the parents are able to give them more gifts? What does it mean for us to love being broke?

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    1. zoe somebody 2010.12.20 1:27 am

      Santa is like the cake. Santa doesn’t visit anyone.

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      1. The Adam 2010.12.20 1:38 am

        Zoe, did you BEAT Portal? The cake was NEVER a lie. The lie was that the lie was a lie. There was actually cake. GLaDos did not lie to you. You broke her heart and killed her.
        She does not hate you though.

        There was indeed cake. You just had to stick around long enough to find it. Same goes with Santa. If you’re in the higher tax brackets, he shows up more quickly and with larger loads.
        -The Adam

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        1. zoe somebody 2010.12.20 1:55 am

          Did you UNDERSTAND Portal?

          The cake WAS a lie. Yes there is a cake as we see at the end. But the cake was NEVER FOR YOU. The cake was a false promise in a rigged system that if you work hard and do what your told everything will be okay. I don’t know about you but being burned alive isn’t my idea of love or cake. GlaDos doesn’t like or hate me. She is a tool of the machine that got out of control.

          Same goes with Santa. Santa is a tool/lie of the machine promising rewards for “being good” (i.e. normal and complacent).

          Santa is the myth that keeps the peasants from rioting and the wealthy laughing.

          😉

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  2. zoe somebody 2010.12.20 1:25 am

    Santa Claus is a bourgeois myth and a way to teach kids at an early age that they are better than others if they have/get more stuff.

    We have to love being broke because the plutocracy is hording (stealing) all the money.

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  3. glowstrz 2010.12.20 2:37 am

    Santa also doesn’t visit Jewish kids : ( I’m pretty sure I had an idea about Santa’s existence before other kids who celebrated Christmas.

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    1. Don The Producer 2010.12.20 9:14 pm

      Santa might not visit the Jewish kids, but the Jewish kids get 8 presents! 🙂

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  4. m2dpost 2011.01.04 2:26 pm

    Personally I don’t feel it has anything to do with the love of the young rich, or a dislike for children of the Jewish persuasion. The answer is plain and simple, Santa took it in the shorts just like the rest of us in the economic melt down. Word on the street is the “Jolly Ole Elf” had a lot of cabbage wrapped up in the unregulated derivatives market and when that tanked he simply lost it all.

    With that said Santa now needs some VC cash to keep the shop going. After all 400 toy making elves don’t work for free, and those reindeer need constant care and feeding and that don’t come cheap. I’m sure the ho ho ho’ing fat man figures if he throws a few extra X-Box 360’s in the stocking of the the rich little brats their parents might see fit to invest a little into his organization.

    Basically Mr. Kringle don’t hate poor kids, he’s just a sphincter smooching sycophant!

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    1. Don The Producer 2011.01.04 3:34 pm

      Well, if santa is just another victim of rough economic times, then why is he a sphincter smooching sycophant? Isn’t it just a matter of circumstance for him?

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